A topic that came up a lot, and still comes up often is “what about having kids”. At first, my gynecologist didn’t want to do the hysterectomy because of my age, and the fact that I might change my mind and decide that I want biological kids.
When I first found out that I have PCOS, I learned that it can cause infertility. And even if I was able to get pregnant, many things could happen during the pregnancy. I was okay with that though. Ever since I heard of adoption, I knew that was something I wanted to do. I figured I’d have a few bio kids and adopt some. As I got older, the idea of ever being pregnant freaked me out. I knew that not only would I have trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant, but the medical conditions I developed came into play. Being pregnant would have put me and the baby at risk for so many different reasons. It wouldn’t have been safe. Then, I thought about surrogacy, and a friend gladly volunteered to be a surrogate if I ever chose that path. After starting the diagnosis process for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, I decided that there would be too much of a risk of me passing this down to a future biological child. The option that would be best for me is adoption, and that was decided about two years ago, and I’ve been very firm in my decision.
Adopting kids instead of having biological kids isn’t that big of a deal for me and it is the perfect option for me to become a mother, if I decide I want kids. I think that people forget that adoption is an option. There’s too much emphasis on having a biological child. For me, most of my family isn’t biologically related to me. They are chosen family, people who have become my family over time. The fact that I won’t be biologically related my possible future children doesn’t bother me, they will still be my children. I saw an article a couple of years ago about 5 siblings all up for adoption, not only did they need to stay together, but the youngest was deaf and needed a family that knew ASL. Let me tell you, if I had been 10 years older and financially stable, I would have adopted those kids in a heartbeat.
So when people ask me, what about having kids? Not only does it bum me out that they think that there is only one way to become a mother but it also bums me out that people still think that every woman wants to become a mother. Right now in my life, I’m not sure if I want kids. If I do want kids, they will definitely be adopted, but right now, I am perfectly happy not having kids. Maybe in 10 years I will decide I’m ready and start the adoption process, but I’m not worried if I’m never ready.
The fact that many doctors won’t preform hysterectomies on young women because they may change their minds about having kids someday is astounding. Its not like we are having this surgery just for fun, believe me. I know much better ways to have fun, and none of them involve being cut open and having an organ removed from my body.
My gynecologist actually told me at one of my appointments that she thinks that this will actually make me a better mom someday, if I do choose to be one. My periods were awful, I would have never been able to care for a child 24/7 while having them, even babysitting a few hours was difficult.
While I don’t know if I want kids someday, I do know that adoption is there if I do decide I want them. And I’m glad I had my hysterectomy, I have no regrets. I’m not even sad that I’ll never have biological children.